It was easy.
I hope you realise that.
It was ridiculously easy, and painless, to do something that once terrified me.
Do you know how that feels?
To experience a transformation more tangible than any before it? To almost see it, to feel each step forward, backwards, sideways, for what it is?
But it’s summer, I guess.
(What?)
It’s summer. These things always happen in summer.
Three whole free months.
Three months where I have every right not to sit still, not to settle.
Not for more than a few days, anyway.
A few days.
What’s that, 72 hours?
72 hours to lie in wait in
paralysis in
pause in
stability in
stasis in
Hibernation.
(but it’s summer)
I don’t care, it’s just three days.
I can sleep for three days, right?
(i thought you said it was easy)
Oh, it is.
It is.
It is, in isolation.
That’s not life, though. Nothing exists in isolation.
(you learned that a long time ago)
But it still feels like an epiphany I’ve had within the hour, you know?
You know?
It’s like being alone in your own skin forever, or dying.
You start learning it at about eight years old but you never really stop and it’s still so hard to deal with sometimes.
(shh, we don’t say these things)
Well, why the fuck not?
All these things one simply doesn’t say?
(i don’t believe you)
I don’t believe me either
(i’m sorry)
So am I.
.
.
.
