Pretty girls in lace tops 
Stare out of windows
And into the air
With ancient make-up
And blistered feet
They send shock waves towards me
And we share them
Hiding our faces from the boys
Who sit behind us
Showing off their effortless exhaustion
Comparing our ruins, who we are now, 
who we were an hour ago
With our short skirts, 
Low cut dresses
Freshly kissed lips
All chapped
and almost satisfied.

Well, I supposed I’m almost satisfied
I mean, 
- I could’ve kissed him
Better, with more conviction, more time
But I did kiss him all the same
And I’ve at last lost the contagion of my
Self
To act without feeling,
Touch without meaning,
To seek without guilt. 
Oh, to be guiltless

(she does wallow in it, under
-myskin-myeyelids-myfingernails- 
all half invisible silvery trails and dirt
-so much stronger than I-)

To feel it as an irritation, 
Inevitable, but transient.

(she floods me with someone else tonight
she touched his arm, moved my hand along his leg and
I don’t exist)

All because I can let go
Let me let go
Let me let go
Let me go, please, 
Just for now,
Just forever, for good,
Though I shiver, I shake
With all of tonight pressing into me
And I can’t see straight
‘I’ can’t matter right now

And I look out the window
of a night-time bus
As we delve deeper into suburbia. 
With darker rings around my eyes
Than any of those goddamn
pretty
girls
An anachronistic dress,
Blue dots on my fingers
Friends in scattered seats, 
I could sleep forever.
And god, I swear,
I’m almost satisfied.  

Whenever I feel like I’m taking myself too seriously I like making funny faces at myself in the mirror. 

Don’t give me that “lol it’s biology” bull shit, either. Why are people “just friends” rather than friends? Why is romantic love automatically granted so much more weight and importance? Why do characters in films seem to so rarely have a circle as close friends AS WELL as a romantic interest? And if they do, why do are they automatically side lined the instant a potential lover comes into the picture?

I know we have instincts, desires, primitive drives telling us to procreate and start a family, but it bothers me so much that society keeps sending out this message that finding love is the key to happiness. Fuck that shit. That’s something else I hate about all this “friend zoned” nonsense. So you have feelings for someone and they don’t return them. That sucks, I get it, I’ve been there (heaven forbid! It doesn’t only happen to men!). But didn’t you have feelings for this person because they were cool/interesting/into the same kinds of things as you are? Wouldn’t you be absolutely thrilled to have them as a friend if you weren’t attracted to them? Isn’t it ultimately better, considering that now you’re much more certain to keep them in your life and avoid hating them one day down the life? Kissing, sex, holding hands, the unique brand of intimacy romantic relationships grant us - they’re all really lovely. But the connections we form with friends over the years are too, and they involve far less risk and sacrifice. I can’t really imagine any boy/man meaning as much to me as my oldest, closest friend.

I don’t know. I’m tired and not articulating myself properly. Something along these lines is brewing in my head as a story of some description. Hopefully it’ll eventually surface and let me figure out what I’m trying to say.

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Semester one:

• Identity (arts foundation)
• Creative Writing: Ideas and Practice (major)
• Power (arts foundation)
• Intercultural Effectiveness (breadth)

Semester two:

• Modern and Contemporary Literature (elective)
• International Politics (major)
• Introduction to Political Ideas (major)
• Generating the Wealth of Nations (breadth)